Worse than Jack Thompson?

I really can't argue much with this list. As much as I and every other gamer on planet earth may hate #2, #1 may actually be worse. But then again maybe not, he is the reason I always qualified expert with the M9 and ever other pistol I've ever touched. And then there's #2's current folly after the video.



And in other douche-bag related news, Jack is suing Wendy's. According to GamePolitics.com(click to read complete article), Thompson is no longer content going after game publishers, but now has set his sights on the home of the goodness that is the Frosty.

"Not content to sue (so far this year) the Florida Bar, the Florida Supreme Court, GTA publisher Take-Two Interactive and leading gaming blog Kotaku, game-hatin’ barrister Jack Thompson has focused on a new target, burger franchise Wendy’s."

So maybe Jack is deserving of #1, or maybe Nintendo could release a new Duck Hunt where you get to shoot Jack instead of the ducks.

A boy can dream.

22 days later...

It's slowly getting easier. I'd like to attribute some of that to the fact that HH2 is growing and amazes me everyday. I'd like to attribute some of that to the power of my super-dadness. But I think it's just that I am settling into the routine of being a SAHD. The tedium, the monotony. I'd probably be pulling my hair out if it was long enough to get a hold of most of the time, there's nothing like a fussy infant to truly test your patience and sanity. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Of course, venting my frustration on unsuspecting gamers online is a big help too.

Wii finally get to play

It all started innocently enough, somehow someone took notice of a thirty-something gamer turned stay at home dad. You can search Google, or happen upon a post I’ve made on any of the myriad of forums I frequent, or discover GwB through other blogs out there, but however it happened I got an interesting praise last week. It’s not the first time it’s happened, I get praise from members of the AGU on occasion, but never anything like this.

I’ve made it a habit not to hide the fact that I, or should I say we since HH6 wants one too, lust for a Wii. I also freely admit that I am a Nintendo fan boy. Ever since popping Super Mario Brothers in the tray for the first time, Nintendo has owned my soul. Oh sure, I’ve gamed on and owned other systems (Genisis, SNES, Gameboy, GBA, Dreamcast, DS, PC, Xbox, etc., etc., ad nauseum), but somehow I always come back to the familiar, warm embrace of that often off white console.

So, with this in mind, imagine my surprise when I was offered a chance at finally getting my hands on that most elusive of current generation (they aren’t exactly next-gen anymore, are they?) consoles. And did I mention it’d be for free?

Floored doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion running through 6 and I.

It couldn’t believe it. This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me. But, it was, and it happened this past Saturday via FedEx.

Saturday saw 7 and I up bright and early to attend the 30th Annual Alabama Jubilee held at Point Mallard Park in Decatur, Alabama. It was an early morning, as the balloons launch early and we had to catch the light. Afterwards I kept a promise I made to her and we went to see Shrek the Third. Not bad, no where near as good as the first or second. I think Dreamworks has officially ran out of steam with this francise.

So there we sat as the previews rolled. Being a polite and courteous movie patron, my phone was set to vibrate, so once I received the photo on the right I didn't disturb anyone around. My squeal might have though.

It was real. It was really real. We had a Wii. And an extra controller, nunchuk, classic controller, and copies of Call of Duty 3, Mario Party 8, and Marvel Ultimate Alliance. We also received copies of Nintendogs Dalmation edition and Diddy Kong Racing for the DS.

I managed to contain my excitement throughout the movie, didn't race home afterwards, and didn't rip into the boxes once we finally did get home. Set up was easy and we were soon discovering the joys of the little white box.

I'll get more into detail with my experiences thus far and the games I've played soon, but needless to say I am indebted to a new friend in MCI.



The phone just rang, now I have to take 7 back to grandparents house at 1800. There's a great way to kill a good mood. Shit.

Never fogotten

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
-Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae


On this most hallowed day, pause, and remember those that have paid the ultimate sacrifice for their country, their comrades, their friends. Remember not only those who've lost their lives in combat, but remember also those that served their nation but lost their lives during times of peace as well. Their sacrifice deserves just as much recognition, but is so often lost on this day.

Rest in peace SGT Nesbit.

Thirty

Has it been that long ago that a seven month old me was taken to his first movie? Has George Lucas' masterpiece really aged that much? Is Carrey Fisher really that much older? (She's still hot.)

No one from my generation can say that Star Wars hasn't or didn't touch their lives. It is as such a part of our collective psyche that it's hard to picture life without it. Wookies and Stormtroopers are instantly recognizable to the young, old, and everyone in between. The children of my generation grew up playing with action figures without fancy articulation and kung-fu grip. Luke Skywalker slew Darth Vader countless times. R2-D2 acted as a submarine in numerous bathtub adventures. The Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run "in less than twelve parsecs" on a daily basis.

I still have most of my figures from those bygone days of bliss. They're tattered, and worn, and in sharp contrast to the figures I've collected since, probably wouldn't fetch a dime. But, to me, they're priceless. They represent countless happy memories.

I'm a fan. There is no excusing the absolute crap that was the prequels, but the originals will always have a special place in my heart. Here's to waxing nostalgic in another thirty years.




And one more thing... Han shot first.

Bang your head

I'm a little late on this, but if you have cable (and seriously if you don't you must be sharing a cave with Osama, but even that goat loving idiot has cable), turn on VH1 now. And if you can't catch it now, I'm sure they'll re-run the hell out of it.

2007 VH1 Rock Honors
ZZ Top (honored by Nickelback)
Heart (honored by Gretchen Wilson and Alice in Chains)
Genesis (honored by Keane)
Ozzy (honored by Queens of the Stone Age)

They just keep getting better and better. The 2006 Honors was awesome too.

Wii in the wild

It finally happened, I have played with a Wii. Saturday we loaded up the pony and pointed it for points south. Points south of course was the BHM and the in-laws. HH6s parents divorced when she was 15, so both are now remarried. This little nugget of intel might be a hassle for some, but we're fortunate in that her parents only live about 10 miles away from each other, so visiting both of them usually isn't a problem.

6 has two little brothers as a result of her dad's second marriage, V2.0 and H2O. V2.0 is 8 and H2O is 6, so they are prime age for the family oriented goodness that is the Nintendo Wii. They have one, I don't. Big brother in law had to play... and he did.

And he's hooked. Now, the bitch is finding one. These things are rarer than a untouched bucket of Kentucky Fried at Rosie O'Donnell's house. 6 is in agreement that we need one, but the odd thing is, 7 already has one at her mom's house. That's really rather humorous since the ex always hounded me when we were together saying that gaming was stupid and immature. Go figure.

So, the hunt is on now more than ever. We need a Wii. We would like to play dammit.

Eight Weeks and a Halo

Has it really been that long? It seems like only yesterday that we were sitting in the hospital, watching NASCAR, waiting for him to pop on out and say howdy.

And now here we are. Our little bundle of joy is a poo producing, screaming, grinning, toothless wonder. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

And for the record, Halo 3 freaking rocks my socks. My review is over at Adult Gamers United, check it out.




PS- I miss 7. I miss her tons.

S-U-C-C-E-S-S

That is how you spell success.

Had to clear the cache to get it to work. Here's how in case you need it:

Restart your box, then do this:

1. Go to the dashboard
2. Go to the system tab
3. Select memory
4. Highlight your hard drive
5. Press Y
6. Press X, X, LB, RB, X, X
7. Say yes when prompted to do maintenance on your hard drive. (DO NOT FORMAT YOUR HDD!!!)
8. Delete all Crackdown files except your save game

This removes all previous title updates and prompts you to redownload new ones.
Load Crackdown, download the patch, and then go to downloads to download the beta.

The prize in the box

There are few greater joys in life great than getting the brightly covered box of sugary badness with the smiling character on the outside of it home and tearing into the contents. As delightful as the cereal can be, it wasn't the cereal that we craved when we were young, it was the prize inside. We sometimes didn't give two shits about the cereal, we wanted the toy! In my day the toys were very simple. Cars that were shells with wheels that didn't spin, masks printed on the back of the box that you couldn't use until all the cereal was gone, the occasional whistle or compass, all lusted after with the same ferocity as a freshman for a keg.

Today, things are no different. Boys grow older, not up. The cereal boxes still scream for attention at the grocery store, the toys have gotten way cooler, but as a whole the things we lust for change. But regardless of the price or the packaging the same idea holds true, sometimes we don't care about the product, we just want the toy inside.

Such is the case of Crackdown. Crackdown is a game in the same genre as titles like Grand Theft Auto and Saint's Row in that it's an open world than allows you freely explore the environment and pick and choose how you play, for the most part. Crackdown differed slightly in that you play the part of a peace officer tasked to clean up three interconnected cities. Genetic engineering makes you a super-cop and shooting, driving, throwing, et cetera, allow you to level up and become even more bad ass. But that's the only difference. The problem with titles like this is that they quickly become tedious. Not even the leveling system saves Crackdown from quickly becoming a repetitive bore fest. I think Microsoft Game Studios knew this, so they included a prize in select boxes of cereal to bolster sales.

Honestly, can anyone that's been with Xbox from the start say that the possibility of playing the Halo 3 multi-player beta doesn't cause them to cream their shorts? This was the tactic that Microsoft utilized to push sales of Crackdown. Select copies included an invite to play the Halo 3 beta once it dropped. At 0500 Pacific Daylight Time today thousands of people worldwide clicked the portion of their Crackdown menus that was to hold the key to the Bungie's chastity belt. But the lock was rusted shut.

Today's word boys and girls is "clusterfuck." Can you say "clusterfuck?" Can you think of a sentence using the word "clusterfuck?" How about "Bungie's handling of the Crackdown Halo 3 beta is a gigantic clusterfuck."

They've had months to figure out how to deliver the content to Crackdown owners. But as of right now 8,000ish players are enjoying the beta. Players that did not purchase specially marked copies of Crackdown. Players that were "randomly" chosen to participate in the beta. Players that were given friends and family keys to play the beta. But no Crackdown owners. No one that paid, or in my case rented from Gamefly, a mediocre game with a promissory sticker on the box. No one that bought the sugary, teeth rotting mess got a prize in the bottom of their box of cereal.

Yet.

From the Xbox forums:
"We're happy to finally announce that the issues being faced with the Halo 3 beta and Crackdown will be resolved shortly. The Microsoft team has found a solution and it's undergoing final testing now. Assuming the test pass goes according to plan, the fix will come in the form of a Crackdown title update within the next three to six hours.

We understand many of you were eagerly awaiting your chance to jump into the Halo 3 Beta and this technical issue has put a damper on your plans. Thankfully the fix is incoming and we're sincerely sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. Ultimately we hope this will all soon be a distant memory once you pick up the Spartan Laser, launch yourself from a Mancannon and enjoy online shenanigans with your friends.

As a reminder, people who already have the Halo 3 Beta are unaffected by this issue.

We'll keep you posted as soon as we have more information.

So, more than twelve hours later, here we all sit anxiously waiting to open the cereal box and tear into our prize.

Of course, if they'd just have made it an open beta from the get go, we probably wouldn't be in this stink.


Best random quote about all this found on the Bungie forums:
"They must be running the crackdown halo 3 beta download server with vista."

I see you shiver with antici…

pation.

The Halo 3 multiplayer beta drops tomorrow.

I’m going to be useless for a bit when I’m not taking care of the boy. Or the house. Or the cars. Or the cats.

Bring on the noobs!!!!

More than I deserve...

She has the hard part, providing for a family of four. She cares for and loves us unconditionally. She's more than I could ever have asked for.

Happy Mother's Day 6.

I love you more than you'll ever know.



And H.M.D. to the rest of the moms in my life too.

Coolest. Instructable. Ever.

I love Instructables.com. The grown up in me loves the potential wanton destruction made possible by many of the user submitted projects. But the kid in me loves the definite wanton destruction made possible by many of the user submitted projects. 6 learned the hard way just how dangerous a bored house husband and a trip out of town on business could be when I constructed a simple blow gun courtesy of the instructions found on the site. Needless to say, I've been banned from making the really cool homemade flame thrower.

But this really caught my eye for no other reason than just how geeky it is.


Mod a toaster and have retro art toast for breakfast


Mmmmmmm, Pac-man and blackberry jam.

IT BURNS! Spiderman 3: The Game

I used to write reviews over at Dirty Sissies, and now I do it at Adult Gamers United. Here's my opinions on Spiderman 3: The Game.




It's really that bad.

Really.

It shouldn't come as any real surprise that Spiderman 3: The Game would suck ass, almost all video games based on movies suck. If a video game is based on a movie based on an iconic comic book character, abandon all hope all ye who placeth the disk in thine tray.

I can honestly think of nothing good to say about this title. You'd think at least the voice acting would be redeeming, what with the movie cast actually lending their voices to the game, but it's awful and contrived.

Graphically this is a mediocre Xbox title. Too bad I have a 360 and was hoping for graphics to match. But in the rush to get the game out to coincide with the release of Emo Spidey, I mean Spiderman 3, the graphics took a hit. And the rest of the finish of the game is just as bad. Sound? Horrible. Cut scenes? Animal Planet porn is more enjoyable.

It's such a bad game, I won't waste anymore time mentioning it.

Avoid this title at all costs.

It only gets a 3 out 10 from me.

Flying Solo: Day 1

One day alone with the boy has been logged. HH6 returned to work today and while she missed her boys, I'm positive she was happy to be back to designing helicopter modifications for the bestest Army in the whole wide world.

All in all, the day went smoothly. He woke at 0345 wanting to eat, so 6 readied a bottle and woke me up. I'm bad about hearing 2 fuss, but I am the same person that slept through live fire exercises with Abrams and Howitzers going off, so it should come as no surprise to anyone. I assumed the position, half slumped over the twin bed in 2's room, and fed him. Since 6 goes to work at an ungodly hour anyway, she went about the business of getting ready for work.

2 fought going back to sleep so, dog ass tired myself, I snuggled him up against me and we both dozed back off. I vaguely remember 6 coming in an kissing both of us 'bye, but it was at such an obscene hour that I hardly remember it. She awake and gone before Willard Scott is up for crying out loud.

0620 he woke back up, so our day began in earnest. Somehow the boy had it in his head to stay awake until 1245, all the while managing to down somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 ounces of milk. I managed to get some laundry taken care of, and the kitchen cleaned up, so maybe I can handle this whole stay-at-home dad bit.


On the geekier side of things, I got Spiderman 3 from Gamefly today. I'll get to it as soon as I can and post up my thoughts.

And speaking of reviews, the Dirty Sissies are dead. It was a good run, but in the end too many thing went downhill. We've been reborn as Adult Gamers United, and this go around is going to be a lot different. We're going to be more selective as to whom is allowed to join and participate in the community and we're going to focus on quality members as opposed to the quantity of membership.

Rock out with your....

Xbox 360 out. We finally got our hands on it and haven't put it down in four days.

Guitar Hero II owns me. Easily the most enjoyable game to come along for the 360 in a while. I may look like a spastic monkey doing it, but damn it, it's fun. The boy seems to like to watch Dad rock out from the sanctity of his swing.

Even HH6 is getting into it.

This is the real world...

Because just any idiot can have a kid

I'm usually not one to comment on newspaper articles, but this story was just too tragic not mention. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported yesterday that a couple were found guilty of malice murder, felony murder and first degree cruelty to children. The sentence carries a mandatory life sentence.

Now the reason for all this?

These fruit-loop, hippy, tree hugging fucks were vegans... and they fed their six week old baby a vegan diet of soy milk and apple juice. SOY MILK AND APPLE JUICE!!!! Their baby boy, Crown, was only three and a half pounds when he died.

First off, vegans scare me. Anyone that swears off all animal products just ain't right. I can understand vegetarians, I have a very good friend that is a vegetarian... most of the time. I love vegetarians, most of my favorite foods start out as vegetarians, but these fanatical whack jobs that swear off all animal products should be force fed an entire side of beef.

I wonder if the prison system will be so kind as to adhere to these assholes' nutty lifestyle? One thing is for certain, dear old dad in all of this will learn to like sausage voluntarily or otherwise.

You can read the complete article here.

The Look

HH6 needed a haircut today, so the various bits of kit necessary for transporting a small human being into the outside world were loaded into my pony and away we went. First stop had to be for sustenance for 6 and I, so Bandito Burrito it was. B2 is the bomb. Best fish tacos to be had this far from an ocean and their chips and salsa ain't bad either. 2, secured in his car seat, sat in the chair beside me and 6 and I settled in for some scrumdidilyumpcious grindage.

The problem is our community is extremely engineer heavy. They're easy enough to spot, 6 is an engineer, but unlike her, most of these pretentious pricks have pricks and therefore have little use for the little people around them. So, in walk the gaggle of self-important assholes that choose to park there superior asses right behind us. Now, normally I wouldn't have a problem with them being there, I have an incredible gift for blocking out a lot of things. But the rather oafish brute closest to me parked his brain cushion right behind 2. And proceeded to push his chair into my boy's. 2's car seat was facing the table. 2 was coming dangerously close to being smashed into the table by this stupid fuck.

Rarely am I naked in public. One never knows when one will need to cut off a loose thread, open a particularly difficult container, or consider stabbing a grown man in the thigh. I've carried a Spyderco Delica for nearly ten years now. It's beat to death. It's been to hell and back with me and has served me well. So as I sat there, trusted old friend clipped into my pocket, I considered plunging 4" of Japanese steel into the thigh of this colossal waste of 46 chromosomes. Fortunately, a cooler head prevailed as it always does, and I sat there with my arm on 2's chair pushing back against the onslaught of ignorance behind us. Grindage was consumed, the check was paid, and we mounted my stead again for travel to that most iconic symbol of the capitalist system. I speak, of course, of the mall.

The salon that 6 uses for her cuts was thankfully devoid of any customers, so her getting her dome sculpted wouldn't take too long (comparatively speaking). 2 and I bid her farewell and went for a stroll through the halls of consumerism. The first thing I realized, as I pushed the sleeping poo generator through the mall, was that there is no way in hell for a man to push a stroller and not look like an absolute git. It's just one of those unavoidable facts of fatherhood. It was apparent in the reflections in the mirrored surfaces and in the faces of the mothers pushing likewise sleeping poo generators. My smiling and friendly gaze was met with suspicious stares and disapproving glances. Women spoke in hushed whispers as I passed. Things were not going well. Matters came to a head when a grandmotherly individual occupied the elevator with 2 and I.

"Oh, it looks like someone got stuck with babysitting duty today," she said snidely.

Breathe.

Just. Breathe.

Fight urge to explode.

Be good.

"No ma'am, I'm with him everyday. I'm a stay-at-home dad," I said proudly.

Disgust. She's actually standing there looking at me in disgust. "Well, that's great," was all she could muster from behind her smug, condescending visage.

Fan-damn-tastic.

So, is this what I have to look forward too? Is this the plight that SAHDs and involved dads have to endure? Am I forever to be branded as a weirdo? Am I forever to flight urges to stab engineers and grandmothers in the leg and twist? (Oh, how satisfying that have would have been? "Hey fucker," as the blade twists. "How 'bout you watch out for my son asshole?") How long can I be polite before I blow up? When is it acceptable to blow up? These are the questions plaguing me this evening.

If this is the way it is to be, bring it, but be prepared to take it all the way.

Everyone loves Batman

In six more days, I solo. HH6 returns to designing helicopters and I get to clean up poopie. Time will tell who makes out better.