You really want to see a "SAHD Gone mad?"

This is a long one folks. And I use colorful phrases. You've been warned.
UPDATE: Rebel Dad has picked this up as well.

There's this old saying that goes "sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie." This is an interesting, albeit antiquated thought, with regards to the wonders of this digital age in which we dwell. With the anonymity that the internet affords so many, it's easy to be brash, rude, and uncouth with little to fear in the way of consequences or retribution. The faceless void of the web allows one to say anything, anytime, anywhere. I'm guilty of it, and whether you care to admit it or not, so are you. It's just the nature of the beast. So when one comes across some content they find objectionable, or when one becomes the target of an attack, perhaps it's just best to let those dogs lie and trudge on.

But when that attack mentions you directly... all bets are off.

I could (and probably should) take the moral high road and just shrug off Lindsay Ferrier's latest diatribe courtesy of Nashville Scene, but I'm not going to. In this latest article she makes a number of accusations and comments that at least bear some need for discussion and clarification.

The first, and certainly most damning, accusation that Lindsay makes is a quote from a thread that I participated in at AtHomeDad.org. The topic of said discussion is there in Lindsay's article, as is part of what I wrote. What isn't there is the rest of the discussion, nor the response of others that participated in it. A simple cursory glance at said discussion reveals that it is nothing more than the same type of mindless chatter that is rampant on message boards all over the internet. I could, as Lindsay does, pull out the content of that discussion and post it here for all to see, but I won't do that as I do not own that content nor have I sought permission from the site's owner, or the other posters that also responded. AtHomeDad.org is a private website, belongs to those that created it, and as such I will not remove content from there without the permission of those that administer or created it.

"But how is that any different from you quoting Ms. Ferrier's article?"

Lindsay's article is a part of Nashville Scene, one of the countless tragically hip webzines that dot the internet. Where I have quoted Ms. Ferrier I've done so by linking back to the original content, citing my references properly. I do this not only to give you, the reader, a chance to review what has been said, but also because it's one of the first things expected of even the lowliest high school freshman in English class. You give proper credit to others work, Lindsay didn't do that.

But I'm nitpicking, back to the boobies...

I make little in the way of apologies for what I said in the aforementioned forum topic. I didn't create the thread, I only responded to it, and I don't think the author of it should apologize or feel ashamed either. As I alluded to just moments ago, these are the types of things that run rampant on the internet, and it's not specific to any one sex or website. Lindsay can bring this topic to light and skew it to meet her needs, but I have it on very good authority (i.e.- the wife, my boss, HH6, mi mamacita), that this same type of nonsensical discussion happens on the mommy boards too. Where here it was breasts, on mommy boards it's often guys tight, muscular asses and their sinewy bodies heaving against their clothes (I so totally channeled Jackie Collins there), the size and shape of men's bait and tackle twigs and berries units penises, and other things that the wife tells me would make even this old soldier blush and scratch his head in amazement. (I had no idea that sexual offers and bathroom graffiti of the same nature weren't exclusive to men's rooms until it came up in discussion between the wife and I once.)

Does the discussion of the anatomy of the opposite sex in a light-hearted, although some would say crude, manner absolve one from apologizing to those that may take offense to that discussion? Not necessarily. You can be offended, but the only person I have to apologize to is the woman I married, and she doesn't take any offense to it. Freewill gives you the right to take offense and furthermore allows you to tell me about it. (Comments welcome bellow. Or, feel free to e-mail me at gamingwithbaby@gmail.com. Don't worry, I already took care of the subject line for you.)

And for the record, this doesn't leave me wondering why I'm excluded from mommy playgroups as is suggested. I don't want to be part of any group that at it's heart excludes half of all parents. When you've got a stay-at-home parent playgroup come talk to me, then I might participate. Besides, Woody Allen said it best, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.”

Perhaps the thing I find most interesting is Lindsay's insistence that somehow her excluding dads from her playgroup is akin to dads excluding her from poker night. In the article she says:

Actually, I think “You can’t join our playgroup because you’re a guy” is more like, “Honey, you can’t come to poker night because then the guys won’t feel comfortable farting and cussing and talking about Pamela Anderson’s tits.” But that’s just me.

It is indeed just you Lindsay, and for a number of reasons. First of all, the days of smoke filled basements, where men chew on stogies while playing some five-card draw, and the women are relegated to wearing an apron and delivering sandwiches to the hungry boys are long since over. Those backward bastions of yesteryear are things of legend now, in their place are poker nights where all who bring cash are welcome, be they man, woman, or the occasional dalmatian or bulldog. But the one thing missing from this slice of Vegas on your kitchen table is children. This is adult time, not kiddie time.

See, we aren't dumb or diluted enough to believe for one second that poker night with the boys, girls, and card playing dogs equates to a good time to have a playgroup. We aren't going to sit around scratching our nether regions, sucking on a brew, and discussing the finer points of hard core porn and politics with everyone within earshot while the kids are around. Despite what television commercials and the collective works of Homer Simpson would have you believe, we aren't all bumbling idiots. We know what is and isn't appropriate to discuss around developing young minds. Furthermore, no one is more qualified to broach that particular topic since we are our child's parent and we can shape their impressionable minds any way we see fit (so long as the wife is in agreement). But apparently it's alright to discuss boob jobs, pending divorces, and the latest "so-in-so is banging the gardener" gossip at mommy playgroups. Or at least those are the things that Lindsay leads one to believe.

So really the idea that excluding dads from your playgroup is like you being excluded from poker night with the boys is without merit. If for some strange reason you are excluded from your male friend's poker night, you're welcome at mine. We gladly accept all forms of cash, car title, and deeds to homes. But be prepares to bring plenty of green and be ready to talk about who's is real and who's are "store boughts." But leave the kids at home, this is grown-up time afterall.

The next little tidbit that I wanted to address was the idea that some of the SAHDs that responded to Lindsay on her blog were in agreement with, and supported, her actions. Where I'm confused is where exactly did this take place? You see in Lindsay's post entitled "The SAHD Truth" on her blog Suburban Turmoil, she received 70 comments following the article before closing the post to further comments. (She also used her personal blog to track back to AtHomeDad.org, which is how she came to the conclusion that a lot of her traffic came from that general direction.) Of the 70 comments made, I was responsible for "hand wringing" three of those, so that drops her down to 68, and there were of course others who left several comments, and a few deleted and anonymous posts, so that drops the number of unique comments down even further.

Fortunately, most of the stay-at-home dads who responded didn’t blame me for broaching the subject. “As a member of the other team,” wrote a stay-at-home dad named Mark, “I’ve been on the receiving end of what you describe many times over…. It’s just the way it is.”

In the end, I count seven SAHDs that chimed in on the subject (including myself) and not one came the defense of her actions. And there is no mention of anyone named Mark. (An e-mail perhaps?) Maybe I'm reading that wrong, but those that I know through their blogs, amazing public radio interviews, and via AtHomeDad.org didn't come gallivanting up on a white mount to save the damsel in disillusion. In fact, the majority of people (moms included) that responded in her comments told her how they thought she was wrong, but all along she was unapologetic to the lot of us.

But this mysterious "Mark" brings up the most interesting subject of all... "it's just the way it is."

Bullshit.

"It's just the way it is" is the kind of thing you say when you try to muscle the minority into acceptance of things that aren't right. "It's just the way it is" is the sort of the the haves say to the have-nots. "It's just the way it is" is the thing a defeated stay-at-home dad says when he's lost all hope of ever being accepted.

Well, this stay-at-home dad refuses to accept "it's just the way it is." This stay-at-home dad will not quietly accept, or allow, the exclusion of my child from the chance to play with other children based upon the fact that my sexual reproductive organs happen to be on the outside my body. This stay-at-home dad will not allow individuals to twist his words to their own end without countering their accusations. This stay-at-home dad is committed to ousting mothers like Lindsay Ferrier and her cronies that exclude men from their playgroups because they are men.

Finally, to the SAHD that Lindsay did everything to in the first place. I understand that you may not have a problem with what was done to you or how you are treated. That's certainly your right and I have mad respect for that. But, just as my views and opinions aren't mutually inclusive of SAHDs everywhere, neither are yours. Just as you are alright with everything, there are many of us that aren't. And we aren't the minority, no matter how silent or seemingly willing to accept "it's just the way it is" as some of us may appear.