He's a very, very fat man

Santa Claus.

A right jolly old elf.

If the average household has 2.3 children and there are 394 million total children in the world that receive gifts, that means Santa makes 172 million stops in one night. Assuming there is one cup of 2% milk and three cookies per house, and Santa drinks all the milk and consume 1.5 cookies, Santa will have had:

• 257,543,660 total cookies.
  
• 3,863,155 total kg of cookies.
  
• 18,543,143,441 calories from cookies.
  

• 738,867,170 kg milk.
  
• 20,946,884,258 calories from milk.
  

In order to burn off the calories consumed delivering toys to all the little kiddies, and assuming a weight of 300 pounds, Santa would have to do one of the following:

• Participate in 95,386,540 30-minute long low impact aerobics classes.
  
• Walk 514,382 kilometers at a 6.4 kph pace
  
• Play 35,965,417 games of hockey (that's with no shift change)
  
• Brush his teeth 3,590,002,518 times.
  
• Or have sex 274,236,303 times.
  

Of course the problem is that there are only 525,950 minutes in one year, so there's no way for the fat man to shed all those extra kilos put on during his yearly ride.

Unless Santa purges.

And that just ain't right.