Being a SAHD is HARDCORE

And you aren't making it any easier Lindsay Ferrier.

Perhaps the best thing about having that SAHDs News widget over to the right (it's on the main page if you're reading this via RSS) is that I can stay informed as to whenever someone writes a story about the fraternity to which I belong. It usually does a good job of catching stories about stay-at-home dads, but occasionally it does go a bit "wonky" and returns some interesting results from time to time. Today however it returned a result that certainly grabbed my interest.

Nashville Scene is one of those city magazines that every large city seems to have these days. It offers the usual looks at the happening of the city, it's politics, it's points of interest, and a certain amount of editorial fluff that can be expected by these types of rags. So, when the headline "Dad-Core Is Hard-Core" popped up on the SAHDs News widget, my interest was peeked.


In the article, stay-at-home mom Lindsay Ferrier attempts to describe the plight of the SAHD in the greater Nashville area. She immediately weaved a tale that had my attention, telling the story of a SAHD that had an interesting run-in walking past a construction site. Apparently the sight of a baby carrier strapped to a man's chest is so odd that it causes construction workers to think the dad in question is packing heat. (Which is legal with a CCW permit in Tennessee, but that's neither here nor there.)

But then, there's the rest of the article.

A little more into the piece, after Ferrier compares SAHDs to lepers, she begins to relate her own experiences with area SAHDs. Of particular interest is this tidbit in which she relates what happened when a SAHD came over to her playgroup:

I’m sure the dude was nice, but we’d had a SAHD show up before at play group [sic] and it was about as much fun as Pedro Garcia’s going-away party. The moms, all of whom generally arrive with hilarious stories about their bumbling husbands, irritating in-laws or pending divorces, all sat around with bright, false smiles and exchanged nervous pleasantries for 45 minutes until the dad finally made up some excuse, grabbed his son and split. As soon as the front door slammed, we all burst out laughing.

At this point, I'm at a loss. Part of me wants to fling myself fully into a profanity laced diatribe questioning Ferrier's abilities as a mom, woman, and human being, but I know that won't do any good. Ferrier is simply yet another instigator of the baseless and cruel attitudes that are heaped upon stay-at-home dads. Not only are we seen as "bumbling husbands," but our ability to be primary caregivers to our children are scrutinized endlessly by those that bear the ability to birth them. The cultural norm that only women are best suited to the role of at-home parent is apparently alive, well, and openly accepted by Ferrier and her peers.

These "bright, false smiles" and "nervous pleasantries" are unfortunate, but they are not something that we have not all ran into before. The first time this happens to a new SAHD it can be unsettling. But each and every time this happens it just strengthens the armor that all SAHDs strap-on daily.

What Ferrier and her cronies can never understand or appreciate is the fact that while SAHDs seem withdrawn from their peers out of lack of the need or want to connect with others like them, the fact is that the numbers are just so totally against us. SAHDs bear the heavy burden of being outnumbered 34:1 if the figure that there's 5.4 million of them and only 159,000 of us is to be believed.

If the afore mentioned numbers are correct, then there's only somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 SAHDs in the whole of Nashville. (Please don't ask me to explain that math, I'm probably WAAAAY off. My own hometown only puts up about 27 SAHDs statistically speaking.) In reality there's probably even less than that number. But there are oodles and oodles of SAHMs and they don't have a problem meeting because the numbers, and the perceived societal norm, favor them. (Again don't ask about the math, but there's somewhere in the neighborhood of 1020 SAHMs in Nashville, 918 here.)


So, what do we make of Lindsay Ferrier and her article for Nashville Scene? In short, it's yet another in a long and sad commentary on the disparity of the stay-at-home dad. We are grossly outnumbered, shunned by society, and apparently are the butt of many jokes around mommy playgroups. However, in the end she does attempt to redeem herself, only to quickly slam SAHDs again by telling a neighbor that there simply isn't room in her playgroup for him and his child. All this for no other reason than simply because she doesn't want to deal with the uncomfortable nature of having him around. No doubt sporting a bright, false smile while doing it.

But, as I alluded to before, this is nothing new. And sadly, this is certainly nothing that is going to change anytime soon. If you are a Nashville area SAHD, or any SAHD for that matter, I urge you to connect with fellow SAHDs and seek them out in your area. Teh internets is always a good place to start, and places like AtHomeDad.org, the At-Home Dad Newsletter- Playgroups, Daddyplace.com, Rebel Dad, or any of the multitude of other dad centric websites of teh internets is a good jumping off point.

Three Quarters

The other quarter took the picture.

Never Feed Them After Midnight

We have a whole lot of dental work to look forward to. And by we, I mean HH6 (no clever new nickname, she's the boss). Seeing how she hates dentists, and has never had good experiences with them, she's elected to use sedation dentistry for all her teethy needs. That being the case, we went to the dentist today for the initial consult, etc.

Among the many bits of thou shalt and thou shalt not information given was this little gem:

"No food or drink after midnight prior to your appointment."

Sitting there in the consultation office with Butters bouncing on my knee, I told the wife "We have to treat you like a Mogwai." This failed to elicit any type of response so I did as I normally do and chalked it up to her not hearing me, or simply ignoring my pop culture reference.

So we finished the appointment, set up the date for the next one to truly get things going, and left for the confines of home. (But not before a detour to Steak n Shake for a delicious burger and a shake.) During the long drive home we talked about everything we'd just heard, I attempted to allay some of her fears, and she read over the "thou shalt/shalt not" list. She got back to the bit about "nothing after midnight" and, wanting to make certain that she heard me this time, I once again told her that she was getting the Mogwai treatment.

There was a pause.

"What's the Mogwai treatment?"

Four years, two months, and eleven days are all that separate my beautiful wife and I. Writer Chris Columbus brought his 1984 classic "Gremlins" to the screen on June 8, 1984. HH6 was three, I was seven. Despite these obstacles, one would think that sometime in the next decade or so she would've seen the iconic film pitting Zach Galligan, a young Corey Feldman, and the absolutely yummy Phoebe Cates (Fast Times at Ridgemont High anyone?) against a band of malevolently mischievous little buggers. But no. She saw it once, and got in trouble with her mother over it for some odd reason.

So flash forward to today when I had to explain to the love of my wife just what in the hell a Mogwai was.

You know those moments where you realize how old you are? Yeah that was one of them.

It's an oncoming train

Sometimes there is a light at the end of the tunnel. More often than not, it's an oncoming train.

I'm slowly making some headway with catching up on my musings, etc. As well as getting everything together for a side venture. But I wanted to take a moment to share the fact that I created a new flickr group:

flickr SAHDs (Stay-At-Home Dads)

Given the eleventy billion flickr groups, up until now, there hasn't been once specifically for and by SAHDs. Problem solved.

Pile Driver

(Found this via Geek Parenting.)

34

Thanks to my boy mike for pointing out the original link took you to a dating site. It should be fixed now.

My Mommy's Birthday

Today is my Mommy's birthday.

My Mommy is really nice.

My Mommy is old.

Happy Birthday Mommy.

love,
your smart ass son.

Like A Chainsaw

The end of February.

That's all I have left.

The only thing I want to do right now is break stuff.

My suggestion is to keep your distance.

(Great song. Explicit lyrics. NSFW. Or the kiddies if you dont like them hearing this sort of thing, but this is how I feel. So prepare yourselves.)

When This Thing Hits 88, You're Going To See Some Serious...

Yeah, I know, things have been slow 'round here. No, slow isn't the word. Dead is more like it. Good thing I don't make New Year's Resolutions because I probably would've said something about writing more often. And don't get me started on e-mails. Rob buddy, news is coming, I promise.

But, since I have a break, thought it best to share... HH2, now and forever to be referred to as "Butters," is crawling. Yup, he's mobile, agile, and hostile. He's got the low and high crawl down. Now, if I could only teach him the three-to-five second rush, I'd one hell of a battle buddy.

Argh

Lots to write, so little time to do it. Trying to catch up. In the mean time, enjoy...

moar funny pictures

Show & Share

An eight year old girl could bring just about anything she could want to a show and share session at school. A book, a Barbie, a collection of seas shells. But when HH7 had show and share on Friday, she could think of only one thing that she wanted to share with her classmates... her baby brother.

Any excuse to see her brother and her dad.

Think she wants to move to California?

self portrait

Eee!

One of the saddest commentaries on life today is the absolute reliance on the personal computer. What twenty years ago was still considered a tool for the nerdy, a toy for the rich, and a device that was slowly making the workplace better is now so much a part of our everyday lives that most people can't function without them. As a society we've become so reliant upon the PC and what it brings us, that many of the functions that we need have sneaked their way into other devices. Cell phones, GPS units, PDAs, and other devices sport many of the same tools and functions that our PCs provide us, so there is no escaping the grasp of the computer. And while most have cast off the shackles of the desktop computer in favor of the more portable laptop, even it has failed those needing a truly portable platform. Laptops have become nothing more than a compacted desktop computer, certainly more portable than it's big brother, but not really all that practical.

Enter the ultra mobile personal computer, or UMPC.

UMPCs provide those that have them a much smaller and more compact version of the PC. Often the size of a paperback book, UMPCs sport most of the same functions as it's bigger counterparts, from operating systems, to wi-fi, USB functionality, and more. The big problem with UMPCs has been the price. You pay for the convenience of portability and many UMPCs today cost upwards of $1800. But that's all changed courtesy of the Asus Eee PC.

I've followed the development of this new breed of UMPC for months, and after staring at the specs, weighing the pros and cons, and considering how useful it would be, we took the plunge. And when I say we, I mean HH6. 6 needed something more portable than our beat to death Toshiba Satellite A65-S1065, and since it was the only functional computer in our home, a second computer was a must. I sold her on the idea of not only having a second computer around the house, but also something she could take with her to her graduate classes to use for notes, presentations, checking e-mail, surfing the web, etc. The little powerhouse that is the Eee does all of that and so much more.

For some comparison shots of just how small the Eee is, check out this set on Flickr.

For starters, the Eee comes packaged with the Xandros version of Linux in a tabbed format. For those that have lived their entire lives in the grip of the Microsoft machine, this new interface and new operating system can take some adjustment, but if you are willing to give it a try chances are you'll love it. It's extremely simple, quite intuitive, and it's not bloated with all of the garbage that comes prepackaged on a computer running a Windows operating system. What it does come packaged with is Firefox, Open Office, Pidgin, Skype, and a host of other programs.

All of this is squeezed on a 4 gigabyte solid state drive. Yup, 4 gigs, at least for this model. (There are also 2GB and 8GB versions available.) In a world of 180GB hard drives being available as an option in many laptops, 4GB may not sound like much, but believe me, it's plenty. Storage can easily be suplimented via the onboard SD card slot (capable of reading SDHC cards) or via a USB hard drive thanks to the three available USB 2.0 slots.

The Eee sports a 7" screen showing 800x480 resolution. At first this seems ridiculously low, but keep in mind most web pages have their most important information within 800 pixels worth of screen real estate. The Eee does have a VGA out port that is capable of displaying resolutions of up to 1600x1200 externally. (I tested this via a ten plus year old Gateway 14" CRT monitor. The monitor maxes out at 1200x1024 and the Eee looked beautiful on it.)

If there is one complaint I can level at the Eee, it's the keyboard. Granted it's small, but my issue with it is the placement of the right hand shift key. It's location to the right of the up arrow key has caused the cursor to jump up a row several times in the course of writing this. (Yup, typing this on the wife's Eee. She left it home today so i could play with it. Thanks baby!) Keeping in mind that the keyboard is small, those with fat fingers may have some initial difficulty with it, but the learning curve is quick and I find myself typing on it faster than I do my regular keyboard.

The simplicity of the Eee is marvelous. If for whatever reason you don't like the Xandros operating system you can easily change it. If for whatever reason you are more comfortable tied to the bonds of the Microsoft machine, you can even install Windows XP on it. It does take some tweaking, but if you know a competent geek, it can be done. There probably is some merit to having XP on the Eee (you'll have an easier time with some of your peripherals that either aren't supported in Linux or aren't done so easily), but there is a host of resources on the web for any assistance you'd need with your system. Most notably among them is eeeuser.com.

I'm so sold on this little machine that not only am I getting one for myself, but I'm probably sending one with 7 when she moves to California. The Eee sports an onboard webcam and thanks to Skype we'll be able to see each other as often as we want (on screen that is). Available currently for $399 for the 4G model with the webcam, it's an absolute bargain. In fact I'm so sold on the Eee that I may try to get one for my sister and her kids so they can keep in touch with 7 too. My own plan for my Eee is to use it on the road and around the house for couch surfing, etc. and hooking it up to an external monitor, keyboard, mouse (a mouse would be nice for everyday use as well as using the touchpad can get tiring), and networked hard drive for heavy duty home use. And probably for photo editing via GIMP too.

In short, 6 loves it. I love it. You'll probably love it too. Buy one, you (probably) won't regret it.

And for those curious souls out there, part of the reason for the new format around here is it looks really pretty and fits nicely on the Eee's screen.

New Year, New Look

Well it's been a cast iron pain in the bum getting all of it to play nicely, but the blog redesign is complete for the most part. I'm not 100% certain that I like it or not, but time will tell. Opinions are always welcome. I've got to add all my links back, and play with the formatting yet, but it's good enough to at least get going. The sizing is rather important too, but that'll be explained in a soon to be published post.

In other news that you probably could care less about, HH2 is close to crawling. He rocks back onto his heels when on his stomach, so it's just a matter of time. This new found ability to get himself into a nearly mobile position has also helped him to successfully go from laying on his stomach to a sitting position without any help from anyone else. Exciting times I tells ya.

And everything else is the status quo. 6 is back at work, 7 has started back to school, and yours truly and 2 have slipped back into our daily routine. More frequent updates and content will be more frequent from this frequent point on. Frequently speaking.

Looking Forward

2007 was rough. Even with the high point of my son being born, it was all around a pretty lousy year. But now it's 2008 and I'm hopeful for the new year and what it holds.

Thank you to everyone that has endured the trickle of crap that I've written to this point and the support that I have received from my readers. I've got some ideas where to take this little slice of the interweb going forward, and some changes in the pipes. I hope you enjoy the ride.