'bout sums it up

Indeed it was

Counting Crows |MTV Music

Humbug I say. Humbug.

To you and yours, enjoy your day.

No candles atop a cake

Happy birthday Sweet Pea. We miss you.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Don't even bother coming around here.

You aren't welcome.

You and I both know that you've better things to do and better places to be. I don't want anything you have because you can't possibly bring me what I really want.

I want a kiss.

A kiss you can't deliver.

I want a hug.

A hug you can't package.

I want the simple pleasure of watching four sets of hands tearing into paper.

Something you can't wrap.

I want to see candles blown out on a cake.

And you can't even deliver the matches.

The one thing I want you can't bring. So don't come near here. Should I see a red sleigh, or hear bells, or the prancing and pawing of each tiny hoof, I'll be eating good on those horned bastards you ride behind for months after I've had them processed. And I'll probably pocket some decent coin from the video of me snuffing your fat ass too.

So, Santa, for your sake, I'd steer well clear of my AO. The only marketable skill the Army taught me involves high explosives and I'm more than willing to give you a personal demonstration.

Gent bent and Happy SolstChristmaHannuKwanzFestivas,
me

PS- But if you can, give her the kiss and the hug and tell her that her Daddy and step-Mom and little brother all love and miss her. And tell her happy birthday too.

It ain't the kit

Anyone with any skill talking a photograph that happens to own a decent camera will undoubtedly be asked by family, friend, and stranger alike what kind of camera you shoot to get such good photos. This question is infuriating for a number of reasons, but it all boils down to the simple fact that the photo isn't made by the camera, it's made by the monkey standing behind it. It's hard making people understand that, thinking that surely your snazzy DSLR and all those lenses will make them a better shooter.

Bullpucky.

You can, and out of principal I have, often shoot the exact same photos with a point-and-shoot as you can with a DSLR. The thing that separates the pros from the Joes is knowledge. They have, you need it. That's why I'm a fan of, and point people to, Look Good In Pictures.

Look Good In Pictures is Nikon's how to series for the average Joe hosted by the bubbly Carson Kreesley. This series presents all kinds of useful and easy to approach tips and tricks that will help start those that want to learn to take better photos down a path to that goal. Granted it is by a camera manufacturer, and it does recommend it's products, but the tips and techniques suggested are the basic that everyone that wants to take better photos should know.

I don't shoot Nikon, but I am a huge fan of their products. And in all honesty, if I could, I'd be shooting a D3 with a D300 as a back up. In an absolutely perfect world I'd just have two D3s, 70-200mm f2.8, 17-35 f2.8, 50mm f1.4, and an 85mm f1.4. But I don't have that kind of coin. If someone wants to send me one however, I'll send you any picture you want. Any picture.





This post written out of an increasing amount of frustration from having to try and hammer it into people's head that IT AIN'T THE CAMERA!!!!

He's a very, very fat man

Santa Claus.

A right jolly old elf.

If the average household has 2.3 children and there are 394 million total children in the world that receive gifts, that means Santa makes 172 million stops in one night. Assuming there is one cup of 2% milk and three cookies per house, and Santa drinks all the milk and consume 1.5 cookies, Santa will have had:

• 257,543,660 total cookies.
  
• 3,863,155 total kg of cookies.
  
• 18,543,143,441 calories from cookies.
  

• 738,867,170 kg milk.
  
• 20,946,884,258 calories from milk.
  

In order to burn off the calories consumed delivering toys to all the little kiddies, and assuming a weight of 300 pounds, Santa would have to do one of the following:

• Participate in 95,386,540 30-minute long low impact aerobics classes.
  
• Walk 514,382 kilometers at a 6.4 kph pace
  
• Play 35,965,417 games of hockey (that's with no shift change)
  
• Brush his teeth 3,590,002,518 times.
  
• Or have sex 274,236,303 times.
  

Of course the problem is that there are only 525,950 minutes in one year, so there's no way for the fat man to shed all those extra kilos put on during his yearly ride.

Unless Santa purges.

And that just ain't right.

Guess I must have a vaj and boobs

Coolest. 15. Minutes. Ever.

Last year it was an AP story that forced me to admit that my then seven year old daughter could kick my ass on the Wii.

This year, it's the coolest comic ever. Never thought Dave would post it, but to quote the wise and incomparable Falco, "SQUEE!"

Truth in advertising

Awesomely awesome shirt available at the house of awesomeness, the Sheldon Comics online store.

Awesome.

I want some "magic jammies"

I dare you not to sing along. Hell, to prove just how serious I am conducting a slight breech of etiquette and going right for the throat by triple-dog-daring you not to sing along. I've already done it three times posting this.

And imagine my delight at discovering this:



SQUEE!!!


It should be noted, however, that if you're the woman I married then you're going to look at this and not know what it's all about. I had to marry the one engineer on the planet that has absolutely no geek creed. I mean sure, it could have something to do with the fact that she was one when the series first aired, but it's a freaking classic for crying out loud! Damn that woman makes me feel old.

Screw you guys...

I'm going home.