WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!

A legitimate question, and an easy answer... not here.

Honestly, do I need to explain it? Take a look, I'll wait. Yeah, things suck. Really, really suck. It's gotten really, really bad. I just can't function anymore. It's all I can do most days just to make it out of bed. And I've got Butters to deal with.

The sad fact is that no matter how I try to kid myself I can't believe that this is getting any easier. Being away from my first born like this is a constant knife in the heart. The pain never subsides, and every day the blade twists a little more.

And joyous news only makes it worse.

Come October you can expect me to start getting fatter and more gray. We're having another kid. Abandon all hope ye who read these words.

Am I excited? Absolutely, how could I not be? But Mac won't be here. She'll be 2,311 miles away, and that is just another blade twisting in my chest. Can't say how I'll handle it when the day comes, probably not at all well, but I'll get through it. Because as much as each day is a struggle, with the help of rotormommy, Butters, and a few of you, I get by. And sometimes all it takes is getting by.

I'll be back more now, for what it's worth.

22:47

2,311 miles away and a river of tears.

I can't take it.